God is a Girl (Excerpt)

November 15

Free from desire.  Freedom from desire.  This was a Zen principle he’d picked

up and adopted from an indie film.  The same idea was presented in a dark,

dreamy song by The The, where the singer also observes that “the only true

freedom is freedom from the heart’s desires.”  He really liked this notion, knowing

full well that it was nearly an impossible goal.  But it was something to aspire to,

something outside of himself and his basic needs for pizza, music and girls, girls,


Devin was getting way too old to be pursuing “girls” anyway. Pushing forty, he

looked to be in his late twenties, thirtyish.  So he got away sometimes, OK, a

lot of times, flirting with women who were way too young for him.  Their bodies

were unaffected by gravity and time, of course, that was the main argument in

their favor.  Their bodies were, as the song goes, wonderlands.  But they

also drank too much and had roommates named “Mom.” They watched shit like

“Dawson’s Creek” and thought Creed was a really good band.

But the women who fell into his age bracket had issues of their own.  They

had babies, teenagers, addictions, and exes.  They expected someone with

money to arrive one day with a blank check, riding a white BMW.  They failed to

understand that the baggage they carried would probably prevent anything like

that from happening.  But that’s what they were waiting for, not a blank slate with

a modest income who just might adore them. That was him, the semi-young

prince with style, good grooming habits and 1000 poems.  One of these days, he

hoped, one of them would notice.

Freedom from desire, freedom from desire.  He looked into the future and he

wanted everything.


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